I’m so pleased that my two favorite aliens, Kitty Katt-Martini and her husband Jeff Martini, were able to take time out from their world-saving to come over to Alpha Rader and speak to me. I’m especially grateful to them (and their creator, Gini Koch) because I know their sixth book ‘Alien vs. Alien’ is released on December 4th and they’re no doubt gearing up for a very busy festive season!
So without further ado – I give you ….
10 Tips for a Healthy Interspecies Relationship
By Jeff and Kitty Katt-Martini
By Jeff and Kitty Katt-Martini
Hi, I’m Katherine “Kitty” Katt-Martini, and I narrate the true-life adventures of what it’s like to live and work with the most gorgeous, talented, and out of this world folks around. Heavy emphasis on “out of this world”. Because they’re originally from another world -- Alpha Four of the Alpha Centauri system.
Along the way I, and many others, have fallen in love with a special someone who’s got a lot of special under the hood, so to speak. And, for some reason, everyone’s looking to me for advice about how to ensure that their beloved remains their beloved forever and ever. (No, I’m not sure why, either, but I roll with it.)
So, to help everyone out, let’s get the advice flowing! To be fair, I’ve asked my main squeeze, Jeff Martini, to help me out.
Jeff: Main squeeze? I’m your husband.
Kitty: Right you are! So, what’s your first tip?
Jeff: Never refer to your spouse as your ‘main squeeze’. Because it indicates there are subsidiary and secondary squeezes.
Kitty: Only to the overly jealous, like you.
Jeff: Thanks for proving my point.
Kitty: Okay, we’ll go with, “Be sensitive to your special someone’s needs, particularly if your special someone is a really strong empath with serious jealousy issues.”
Jeff: I’ll take it. I’d add that sometimes a person needs their own space, and you should be understanding about it.
Kitty: When have I, or you, for that matter, needed our own space?
Jeff: You did way back when.
Kitty: Okay, we’re contracted with Alpha Reader here for ten tips, so I’ll take it. That’s Tip Two, folks, space! Accept that your mate will be considered the hottest thing on two legs by everyone, everywhere, and try not to worry about fading into the woodwork when standing next to them.
Jeff: Right, because we A-Cs don’t care about looks.
Kitty: Well the gals, or Dazzlers, as I call them, sure don’t. Brains and brain capacity, that’s their thing. To a scary degree.
Jeff: A-C men prefer a brainy girl to a pretty one. I just happened to score the sexiest and smartest girl in the galaxy.
Kitty: Tip Four would be to lay on the compliments, because that kind of stuff never gets old.
Jeff: Hey, it’s true. I like how you slid Tip Three in while no one was looking, baby.
Kitty: Thanks, I thought it was pretty slick, myself. So, next up would be to dump any prejudices you might want to cart along, because A-Cs have no sexual orientation or skin color hang-ups. Or age hang-ups. And most of the religious issues are being handled -- convert, don’t convert, everyone’s okay with it now.
Jeff: Most everyone. Not all. But I do agree that in many things, we’re far more liberal and relaxed than humans. But not everything.
Kitty: True enough, which brings me to our next tip -- get used to seeing your male spouse in a black Armani suit, white shirt, and black tie for the rest of your life. And if your spouse is female, she’ll be in the white Oxford button-down and a black slim skirt forever. A-Cs love their formality and their Armani, not necessarily in that order.
Jeff: I like the suit. I’m comfortable in the suit.
Kitty: I know. Believe me, I know. So, Tip Seven is to remember that even if your alien mate was born on Earth, like my man was, they were probably schooled within the A-C community, so there are still areas where they act very alien, and also don’t get human reactions or terminology.
Jeff: Same goes for humans not understanding us.
Kitty: I suppose. Tip Eight is that almost no A-C can lie believably to any human. There are a few who can, but they have their own special clubhouse. The rest of them? Cannot lie to save their or anyone else’s lives. They get around this problem by not telling you the whole story. But pay attention and you’ll soon easily spot your mate’s tells. After that, go to town.
Jeff: I don’t have tells.
Kitty: OMG, Jeff, you have more tells than anyone else on Earth.
Jeff: Thanks for that. Okay, two more tips, let’s make them count. I’ve got the tips your dad gave me when we were getting married. The main one being a happy wife is a happy life.
Kitty: My dad’s the greatest, isn’t he? Okay, last tip, Tip Ten -- be willing to risk your life for your alien mate, because they’ll be willing to risk theirs for you. And remember that, due to their double-hearts and increased stamina, they are sexual gods and goddesses, making all that life and limb risking beyond totally worth it.
Jeff: I went for the sweet, caring last tip, and you went for life risking and sex. What does that say about us?
Kitty: Whoops, time’s up! That’s all the tips for today, folks! We now return you to our regularly scheduled Alpha Reader!
Get ready to read Jeff and Kitty Martini in their new book 'Alien vs Alien' out on December 4!