'How to Be Happy: A Memoir of Love, Sex and Teenage Confusion’ by David Burton

From the BLURB:

A funny, sad and serious memoir, How to Be Happy is David Burton’s story of his turbulent life at high school and beyond. Feeling out of place and convinced that he is not normal, David has a rocky start. He longs to have a girlfriend, but his first ‘date’ is a disaster. There’s the catastrophe of the school swimming carnival—David is not sporty—and friendships that take devastating turns. Then he finds some solace in drama classes with the creation of ‘Crazy Dave’, and he builds a life where everything is fine. But everything is not fine.

And, at the centre of it all, trying desperately to work it all out, is the real David.

How to Be Happy tackles depression, friendship, sexual identity, suicide, academic pressure, love and adolescent confusion. It’s a brave and honest account of one young man’s search for a happy, true and meaningful life that will resonate with readers young and old.

'How to Be Happy: A Memoir of Love, Sex and Teenage Confusion’ is Australian author David Burton’s debut.

I read this book ages ago and then didn’t know what to do about how much I loved it. Writing a review was hard, and the words I tried to put down didn’t adequately express how much I loved the book. And then I went to Brisbane Writers Festival, and attended an ‘in conversation’ between David and fellow memoirist, Robert Hoge that just blew me away for how candid and funny he was – that reiterated for me just how special ‘How to be Happy’ truly is … and still, I struggled. So just know that this review will probably end up expressing only a miniscule fraction of my admiration for David and this book of his, which won the 2014 Text Prize for Young Adult and Children’s Writing. Sorry – I tried, but this really is one of those books and authors that I’m just going to end up telling you to read and attend any of his appearances because there’s something special here that you’ve just got to discover for yourself. Anywho.

The book opens thus;

 I don’t know how to be happy. 

Yeah, sorry. Awkward. 

Okay, let me rephrase. I don’t know how to make you happy. But I have a pretty good idea what would help. Trouble is, my tops sound fairly lame. It’s like when you ask someone about the secret to losing weight and then answer ‘eat well and exercise’. 

True, but profoundly unhelpful.  

And right there is how I got totally onboard with this brutally honest and funny memoir – because David’s “endgame” as a memoirist is really to just put the ugly truth down on paper. To put into a book all the things he went through – two brothers with Aspergers, bullied at school, worried about a self-harming friend, his own spirals into depression and anxiety not to mention all the teenager years of sexual confusion and hormonal whirlpools.

At one point David remembers his dad giving him a copy of John Marsden’s ‘Secret Men’s Business’, a 1998 non-fiction book for teen boys that touched on everything from leadership responsibilities to masturbation (a revelation for young David Burton at the time – hilariously). But what he especially remembers about this book crossing his path was just his astonishment at somebody writing these things down and sharing them – being candid with teenagers about such topics (remember, Burton is a Millennial and his childhood was a pre-Internet one!). That’s what ‘How to be Happy’ does too – through the “character” of David he explores his own fumbles and foibles in such a charming and self-deprecating way that it’s quite disarming for a reader, but then the moment comes when you do realise that these things being discussed are still somewhat taboo in society (particularly honest discussions around mental health) and there is real bravery in David putting them on the page, sharing his story, stripping himself bare.

One aspect in particular is his sexuality. A socially awkward teen who didn’t fit into society’s “machismo” stereotype of a sport-loving, rough-tumbling manly man, David discovered his voice through the self-expression of drama class … and then struggled with what it meant that he was drawn to inherently “feminine” pursuits and activities. He assumed he was gay (a common epithet shouted at him by school bullies too) – and this becomes a fascinating time for current self-reflection, as he does address the narrow gender definitions, which so confused his teenage self (and that still permeate in society today). But David’s lusting after several female classmates does eventually clue him into the fact that he is heterosexual, but now equipped with a unique and accepting view of sexuality and gender fluidity.

The other big focus of the book, which is retold so tenderly, is David’s mental health, and that of his family – for his brothers’ unique Asperger view of the world, as well as his family’s history of depression. This is where David reminded me of the late, great YA author Ned Vizzini – who wrote with such biting honesty about depression in his characters (drawn on his own experiences). In ‘It's Kind of a Funny Story’ for instance, which began with the eerily accurate line “Its so hard to talk when you want to kill yourself.” David has similarly in-your-face honesty when writing about his depression and anxiety, that I found to be both moving and vital.

I also loved the tender heart of the book, a celebration of the friendships formed and trials overcome – and also for the little things that actually become importantly intrinsic to who you grow up to be. That is, I loved David paying tribute to what he grew up loving – an acknowledgment of the stories, fandom’s and connections he made that have had lasting influence on him (particularly considering he’s had a career in theatre!).

Mary and I discovered Harry Potter together, which, in terms of major life events, is almost as important as YOUR ACTUAL BIRTH. Lunchtimes regularly involved rushing to the library to pore over the latest instalment in Harry’s adventures and attempting to make predictions about upcoming books. We would also discuss Star Wars, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Discworld and Doctor Who at length. We were nerd soulmates. 

There are few reasons I would ever wish to be a teenager again, but I could be persuaded if it meant rediscovering all of these stories again for the first time and finding my unabashed passion for them.
 

And finally – I can’t stress this enough – ‘How to be Happy’ is funny. Bitingly, embarrassingly, genuinely – FUNNY. This sort of humour surely only comes when we’re forced to reflect on our teenage selves and suddenly see the joke that was so hard to laugh at, at the time of adolescence. This book is gold, and if I could I’d make it mandatory reading in schools … or, maybe, not in schools but mandatory under-the-covers with a torchlight, late into the night reading for all those teenagers wondering why they feel this way, when will it get better and does anybody understand me? For those teenagers I’d like to gift them ‘How to be Happy’ – because David won’t claim to have all the answers, but he’s been through the trenches and written about it in all his embarrassing teenage glory. 

5/5  

Choose Aussie YA - #LoveOzYA readalikes part FOUR

Hello Darling Readers!

Yes! It’s that time when I do another ‘readalikes’ post – yay! (or are you sick of them by now? … Who cares?! I’m having fun!)

This readalikes has a “nonfiction” theme, because YA-nonfiction is having a bit of a moment in Australia and I, for one, am thrilled about it! I was inspired to this topic, partly because Clare Wright got me thinking about it when she gave a talk about women erased from Australian history at Reading Matters, and because I just finished reading Abdi Aden’s memoir ‘Shining: The Story of a Lucky Man’ and my first thought was “this should be required reading in all high-schools!”

So, onwards – !

Wonder by R J Palacio→ 

Ugly (younger readers) by Robert Hoge

Robert Hoge’s 2013 ‘Ugly: My Memoir’ is being released for a younger audience and I think this is a smashing idea and I can’t wait to get my hands on a copy! I’ve been following Hoge’s career for a while now, and I just love his writing and particularly his commentary around physical-diversity and how important it is to embrace “ugly” in this beauty-obsessed world of ours. Here are two pieces of his that I highly recommend you read: one from The Drum and his Australian story. 

I also think it’s very clever marketing that his book is orientated to riff off of RJ Palacio’s ‘Wonder’ – which has been a runaway bestseller, and while not technically YA, I know all age-groups have embraced this book (you know you’ve written across generations when they bring out an “adult” cover version). I really hope that an Australian Writers Festival cottons onto the idea to bring RJ Palacio our here and have her and Robert Hoge in a Q&A together – because both their books are sparking much-needed conversations around outward/inner beauty … and because I kinda love that while Palacio just wrote about it, Robert Hoge has lived it and I think their insights into how readers have embraced their messages would be fascinating.

And I’m also a little bit thrilled that Robert Hoge will be at ‘Write Around The Murray’ in September, because I’m also on the schools program, and I am definitely going to sneak into a few of his sessions!

We Need New Names by NoViolet Bulawayo→ 

Shining: The Story of a Lucky Man by Abdi Aden

Abdi Aden’s book blew me away. I read it over the weekend and was just alternating between snot-nosed crying and fist-pumping joy for this man’s journey. It’s about how; ‘Abdi's world fell apart when he was only fifteen and Somalia's vicious civil war hit Mogadishu.’ It tells of his time spent in a refugee camp in Kenya, and then his decision to go back to Mogadishu in a desperate search for his family … all the way through to his arriving in Australia and the even more incredible journey of resettlement that followed. I read this and my overwhelming wish was to put this book in the hands of every Australian high school student by making it required-reading in schools (and, - hey! If you want to join me in appealing to VCAA, here’s the link!)

I think NoViolet Bulawayo’s Man Booker Prize-shortlisted book is a fitting readalike (even though it’s fiction) because both she and Aden deal so beautifully and heart-breakingly with the pain of leaving your life behind. And because both books are focused on the coming-of-age aspects of resettlement, in many ways (a majority of ‘Shining’ deals with Aden’s life from ages 15 to 17).

Women Heroes of the American Revolution: 20 Stories of Espionage, Sabotage, Defiance, and Rescue by Susan Casey → 

We Are the Rebels: The Women and Men Who Made Eureka by Clare Wright

Like I mentioned before, I heard Clare Wright speaking at Readings Matters this year and was really excited to read her YA-version of her Stella Prize-winning nonfiction book ‘The Forgotten Rebels of Eureka’. Her book is quite radical, because it’s butting-up against long-held assumptions about women’s roles in a major Australian historical event – the Eureka Stockade. And, actually, when you put this book in kids’ hands and start them thinking about the wrong history of Eureka, it’s going to send them down the rabbit-hole to think more critically about how women are wrongly portrayed throughout history, and beyond … isn’t that exciting?

So I think Susan Casey’s ‘Women Heroes of the American Revolution’ is an interesting readalike for obvious reasons – because she’s likewise taken an iconic historic event and is asking people to think beyond the oft-studied heroes and landmarks. The difference perhaps being that the women Casey is writing about are somewhat known in American history, just not as well as they should be – whereas Wright’s book is unearthing history that has never been studied, let alone in Australian schools.

Binge by Tyler Oakley→ 

How to Be Happy: A Memoir of Love, Sex and Teenage Confusion by David Burton

This one’s a bit of a cheat because both books aren’t out yet, so I can only speculate wildly on their readalike-ness (?)

I have heard David Burton speak though, and read a chapter-sampler of his forthcoming ‘How To Be Happy’ (releasing August 26) and I was so impressed that I booked to attend several of his sessions at Brisbane Writers Festival – which I’m super excited about! Because Burton’s memoir is just what Aussie YA needs right now – a candid exploration into ‘Love, Sex and Teenage Confusion’. There’s been a Guardian article floating around lately ‘Falling Out of Love with YA’ in which the young author has totally legitimate concerns about how so many YA books feel same-same and not too challenging … which, I think, doesn’t translate to YA turning sub-par but rather readers craving more complex stories that aren’t currently being pushed to the forefront of the readership. I think David Burton’s memoir is going to be the book that hits that spot this year.

I like YouTube-star-turned-author Tyler Oakley’s ‘Binge’ as a readalike (releasing October 2015) because he’s one of the (alarmingly) few diverse voices coming out of the vlogging world at the moment – and he is an LGBT+ advocate, so I can only hope that his book will touch on some issues around love, sex and confusion too.

Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen→ 

Bad Behaviour by Rebecca Starford

I am so far behind in my book reviews this year – suffice to say, I have read ‘Bad Behaviour’, I loved ‘Bad Behaviour’ and I’m very excited that ‘Bad Behaviour’ has been optioned for TV!

So Kaysen’s ‘Girl, Interrupted’ (which was famously adapted into an amazing film of the same name with Winona Ryder and Angelina Jolie) might seem like a pretty out-there readalike. After all, ‘Bad Behaviour’ is a memoir about Starford’s teen years at an elite country boarding school with a strong focus on the bullying that occurred there, and ‘Girl, Interrupted’ is a memoir about Kaysen’s life from age 18 living with a bunch of fellow teenage girls in a psychiatric hospital during the 1960s. I’m not suggesting that Starford’s boarding school was exactly like a psychiatric ward … but, actually, kinda yeah.

I also like these as readalikes for the observations around all-female company, and how that can sometimes devolve into anarchy. Neither book may be strictly YA – but I think teens should definitely make their way to them.